AM I A FAILURE?




so far my 2015 has been....

a huge roller coaster.

i have been dealing with feeling like a major
FAILURE

failure of being a good friend
failure of being a good wife/sister
failure of being able to freaking 
PROCREATE!
(haha funny way to say it but you get it..)

lets break it down:
i have worked very hard since being diagnosed with
infertility
to avoid getting depressed / down / sad
about my situation
and its been getting harder & harder to be 
"strong"

the past year i have come to this conclusion:

W E    A L L    H A V E    T R I A L S

and mine 
(in comparison to everything going on around me
feel bearable.
(most days--- like 75%...ish)


I have decided to turn my focus & intentions on the good in my life :
husband
home
job (makeup + yoga)
family 
friends 

everyone of these listed bring me so much happiness / peace / meaning & focus to my life!



bottom line:
im not a failure,
but i have decided i need to be nicer to myself,
take care of myself 
and stop spreading myself SO thin.....

i have a lot going on and for some reason i think that if i 
throw myself into someone else's problems or trying to help them (service!?) 
that i will feel better!
which i believe IS true!
--but to an extent....

there comes a time when the focus needs to be pulled inward. 

this last month my body has PHYSICALLY told me to 
chill out
( hernia, kidney stones, same ole bum ovaries )


"i read you loud & clear body"

i know that by giving myself some TLC, i will be able to better take care of:
my friends
my husband
my family
my future babies


i am writing this more to just get it off my chest and explain to everyone 
how i have chosen to deal with my trials...
its not easy. 
but i'm trying 
:)
i hope this makes sense and can help anyone else going through similar issues-
BE KIND TO YOURSELF!



MY CHRISTMAS OUTFITS! (finally)

this post is super duper late
but i am 
EXTREMELY
web incompetent ---

so

better late than never, right?

first up:  
my party sweater!

i wore this to a couple different christmas party 
&
i love it. 




sweater | Nordstrom 
lipstick | MAC (ruby woo)
Curling Iron | BaByliss

second:
my NYE outfit!

when i saw this
it was a no brainer that i needed it!
because sometimes i think I'm gangster--

my friends can vouch/
my text messages don't make sense because i try to use words like heezy & nizzle.






beanie | H&M (sold out)
pants | American Eagle 
jacket | Hubbys Closet  <3
Lipstick | Mac Ruby Woo

and finally:
my 
CHRISTMAS DAY
sweater!


'nuff said 



sweater | ETSY
lashes | HOL


photos |
Kristin Wilkerson Photography


SLOUCH HEADWEAR

part of the holiday giveaway I am a part of 
is giving away 
2
of these awesome beanies-

the giveaway ended yesterday 

(winners will be announced on tuesday!) 

go follow them 
to check out their full line !

| photos by @indiaearl |











DETAILS:



MAKEUP:

(applied with this)
i used this to contour
( ^mary-kate & ashley use this^ )
(clear gloss on top-any! )
eyes 

HAIR:

(HAHAHA!)

Minnie Mouse Sweater

this winter 
(ok ALL winters)
call for oversized comfy sweaters

so to kick off my 
(small)
sweater collection debut I introduce to you::::

M I N N I E 
!!!!!!!



Sweater | H&M

Lipstick|  MAC & MAC 
mixed

Nails | OPI 
my fav red ever!




Photographer | Kristin Wilkerson Photography

five whole years | HAPPY ANNIVERSARY




i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me 
(i carry it in my heart) 
i am never without it 
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)


i fear no fate 
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
 i want no world 
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart

 (i carry it in my heart)


-- e.e. cummings


(fav poem of all time for my mike)

























we had these photos done back in 
JUNE
with 
for our 5 year anniversary!


so i waited to debut most of them 
for today :)

AMERICANA INPSPIRATION SHOOT | BREANNE WESTON PHOTOGRAPHY



breanne approached me with a couple of ideas for an inspiration shoot!
so i referred her to ask the beautiful karah to model 
&
BOOM
magic happened.


MODEL | Karah Jeppsen